yuxuan ,bye ........rest in peace.

i was so shocked when i receive de message from hong kim ......saying dat u passed away, and asking us to go bc , attend ur funeral if we can to bid farewell to u for de last time . i was so so shock n i simply cant believe it ~ i tot he was playing a joke on me ...u knw rite ppl alwayz fool me around ....i jz pray and hope dat dis time i was fooled , but it was not. oh my god ! i jz cant belive it . u were involved in an accident with jun xian and guan xian, seems dat jun xian drove over de limit ...and ..."it happened " why ? why ?? why when life is smoothly goin on well...and i have to receive dis bad news? when i knw u died on thde spot ....it jz reli, deeply pierce into my heart ....i cant hold it ...i have to try to refrain my tears ....i was angry with my mum when she wont allow me go bc and attend ur funeral ....argue with her and almost broke down.....but i refrain ....crying silently in my heart . im so so sorry i cant bid u farewell for de last time ..im so sorry ...im punished with guilt for not getting to u whenever i was bc in malacca..if only i did...im so sorry and i miss u .....: (

yu xuan, here is something to u , deeply from my heart ~


Dear yuxuan,

although we were not a close friend ..but we were frens,
we were once in the same class for a short period.
i remember ur cheerful smile which u alwayz greet me with,
i remember ur cheerful , kind N amazing personality.
i remember u tease me sometimes ,
we did fool around too.....
i remember u kindly offer to fetch me home sometimes.
now, with u absent in our life,
we lose a special fren.....
a fren we will never forget ,
a friend we will alwayz miss N remember in heart.
to us and from all of us ,
yu xuan, u were a special friend !

P/s : like wat wei teck says, this is life ~
one moment we were all here,
next moment , it wont be de same again~

im BACK !!!

god ...im finally FREEEEeee enuff to come here and BLOG ! and i have lotta say ! lotta blog !

ok..goin to do dis step by step . first, it has been a chaotic week for me .....and i wasn't sure wether i can go through it again . to me its terryfying ....

we were given a task to create a space dat can occupy two total different ppl with different personality. one will be a painter which loves to be expose to sunshine and brightness; while another is sensitive to light. both live under one roof but different space, with jz one common area leading them to meet. and we were given a short time to complete tis task. before coming to de final u have to do lots of sketchmodel , u do and do and do till ur lectuer nod their heads. me myself have to try and try till de 4th one , my dear rosaidah finally say "YES" . Afterdat, u just cant imagine, and u would never want to imagine it ! in tat short time we have to come out with

1) one final model applied with colours

2)four technical drawings of my final model( its not easy!)

3) develop photos

4) come out with a presentation board that suits ur theme.

although its only 4. but it takes ages man....it takes 5 to 6 hours to complete the techinical drawings! manage to finished my presentation board just on time !!! 8:3o in the morning, wednessday. and my presentation was 8:30 !!!! GOD ! i was shaking while doin that presention board and i just cant take the pressure,tears roll down while doin my drawing...( of course no one sees me xP) 8:30 sharp ,me and zoey quickly run and run and run!! we cross de road, take de lift

BOOOM!! on the 6th floor! phew ~~~~ we make it ! the rest is history ~all of us was in huge stress..dat we almost cant breath...

we whine and complain while doin our project,

why did we take up IAD anway ??

why torture ourself while other ppl is having fun ??

why make ourself suffer so much...??

why har ??

just for the sake tat : we are passionate about arts and IAD ! haiz~

im so glad tat we have gone through tat moment . i realise that we have to be tough taking up dis course ! we gotta have that never -ending spirit ! and my quote of the day would be

you are never goin to make it if u cant take the pressure

i missssss u so much !!!!!

its been a long time since we talk tis much ...and guesse wat i finish up my credit jz by chatting with u on the phone ..haha but its worth it !!!! things does not goes dat well for both of us rite ??? we still agree dat malacca is de best ..malacca frens is de best !!!!! sometime we get sick of our life in kl .....and we miss malacca frens so much ....things r so bad dat we even nearly gave up . I MISS U SO SO S SO MUCH .....
I WISH I CAN TALK FOR HOURS WITH U ....
I WISH I CAN TELL U EVERYTHING DATS GOIN ON RITE NW IN MY LIFE
I RELI WISH WE CAN MEET UP ....
I RELI WISH ........

hot+boring+gossip

to start with , today is unmistakenly hell day ! the weather is freakin hot ....boiling hot sudah...but its BURNING hot...wth !!! i swear i will...im goin to kill de sun one of these days ....u merajuk huh?? before, u jz love to grumble and get boiling angry in the afternoon, den u cry like hell in the evening ya !! BUT NOW ??? y arent u crying anymore ??? where r ur tears ?? i dun care wether the moon drank ur tears or wat ! im goin mad !! u made me sleep in sweat and i have to wake up and bath again to continue sleeping !wth ?! u better wish i have a nice sleep for tonite !

anyway ..today is equally boring as every sunday. i was blessed with 4 good roomates, but it seems like i have only one to chit chat with for the time being. one, gone to her " paradise"as usual, another one went to "play" with her sis liao , and dat left me with the little funny one ~ hah! adding up to my,^ so called^ " grumpiness" alvin and krys went to malacca !!! my hometown!!sobz...malacca o , malacca...miss u ...anyway its ok ..at least alvin promise me that he will kiss the ground of malacca for me !! yeepeee...post it when i receive the pic. went to wins art with ck and xin hui tis afternoon, and guesse wat ?? i hear some gossip ! heh ! girls alwayz luv gossip ! bt its not a big one la...okok only ..hah!
about : my college's iad lecturer

gossip no 1 : mr k is a good lec .
gossip no 2 : mr leong is alredy long in kbu and good one too...
gossip no 3 : ms rosidah (tis is de intresting part) is NOT GOOD , in fact she loves to be head of everything , and when u dun listen to her instruction ..she gets mad. from lim kok wing, though she is highly qualified and have lotta experience, but she CANT communicate with her students, she CANT teach effectively . wow!
gossip no 4 : mr razif is a good one too !
gossip no 5 : ms marsitee is urm...NOT good!
gossip no 6 : ms xin ai is good !
conclusion : de chinese r usually good ..only the malays ...er .....hehe~

the above gossip source is from the one and only wins art uncle ~

oklar ..dats all i have to say ..gotta resume to my essay ....(been essay-ing like never before )

cheerio ! everyone~

we are happy enough to be alive ~

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Thi nk of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet..

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

we people often have the tendecies to whine, and complain about every itsy bitsy tiny little fault . life is once and for all , we live life to the fullest, we dun complain we accept, we dun look down , we look up high in the sky, we dun look jz on ourself ..we look around us ~ there r many millions more people who suffers in agonizing more than us, WE - r jz fretting around~ it is only fair to them, that we appreciate and treasure every second of our life ~

mengarang karangan~language break-down

GOD !!! help me plz ...sob ..sob,....english is never a problem for me from small as my family communicate in english, i love english every bit as i love reading books, my father is a pro in english language, he teaches english, been to uk to take up courses on that language . AND here i am ....his dear darling daughter SUFFERING from language break -down!!!! god ..i simply refuse to believe that im stuck in vocab and writting essays !!! darn those essays!!!!ouwwww~~~~ with agonizing pain through out my whole "exterior" and "interior" i have to admit that ..i suck at english !!!! god ...dat is a BIG BIG humilation to the tan's family !!!! every members in my family EVEN MY AH MAH knows english , how would i ??????!!!!! how would i ??????? haiiiizzzz.....arghhhhhhhh!!!! where are all those god damn vocab tat i have learned ????? WHERE IS IT ????? !!! come back to me ....come back to me ~~~i need inspiration fro my essays ... i need fabulous and bombastic vocab !!!! im goin to kill myself continuing writting these critic essays!

p/s: papa ..I NEED U !
:ah ma , i need u too !!! to remind me tat even u knows english !
: miss elise ....u r fabulous !
: dict, i so damn need u now !!! im goin to finish u up, without leaving bones !

my buttttttt!!!

wuahahahaha.....there u go ! this is my butt !! kakaka....cute huh ??!! congrats to myself for having the courage to post tis up ~ i have been thinking for some times ..post ?? or not post ?? and tadahhhh!!! here is my lovely wonderful silky smooth butt! hehe ...haha ...wahahaha ....lol !

im joking lar ~ its not my butt la ! but it is part of me ~ huhuhu...so sad to admit it ...its my fatty leg ~ was camwhoring dis afternoon , n suddenly de camera focus on my fat leg ..and den ! suddenly it looks like a butt ! haha ..snap it down and show it around fooling people around ..lol ~

sad to announce dat im fat again ...ok wait ...."again" is not the appropriate word..i have never been thin enough for me to use the word "again"

times up! nooooo....shit ! have to continue mengarang d ...when in the name of god m i goin to complete my darn essay ...haiz ~ oklar back to my essay !

bored

gosh ..these two days are reli torturing lar ...nothing to do ..gt homework ..but lazy to do , and dun have to pass up so soon also , hmm..dats y i dun have de energy to do it .its nt due date yet ..haha ..i totally waste these two days by just sleeping , eating , and online ...me &cayenne totally slept off the whole saturday afternoon ! hah ! wat a boring weekend ..and tat brings me here ! blogging ~ nothing to do ..went through some pic and decide to post it ~ have a look bah : )



p/s : tomoro is a new week with NEW PROJECTS ! i can see those busy week in front of me ! better go sleep nw ...ZZzzzzzz...nite

BAK KUT TEH ~

tat pot s HUGE ! i m craving for it now ! those tasty soft meat with delicious black gravy . yum~ these r another set of pic dat i went through randomly ...and my appetite grow while looking at it ..so i decide to post it ! hehe !everyone shud reli go eat KLANG'S BAK KUT TEH ! delicious~YUMMY!

my hermit crabbie ~

my dear hermit crabbie .....miss u so much ! i came across dis pic while going through my folders in my laptop....i was surprise to find this pic ...and suddenly all de memories came back ..I HAVE A CRAB BEFORE ! and i totally forgot about it ...oh...hw cruel im ..! hmm..i sort of forgot about his name d ( i name it ) but i sure miss him ! his originality is from one utama's pet shop, date bought - - - - forgot...keke ..i knw its at nite lar ...bought it with my housemate , xin hui !! kakaka ..and both of our crab nw ARE LOST ! dey ran away ....! im quite a weird person , i hate and terrified of those furry thinghy i have phobia of cats and furs , so i kind of "anti" everything and anything dat grows fur ...( of course except humans lar...those r called HAIR ..hehe)but i definitely like those without furs ..fish, crabs, lizards, and insects ...i think dey are jz so cool ..nice too ! espeacially those with colourful shell . so long crabbie ..hope u are on ur way to a wonderful journey !! say hi to xin hui's crab if u guys meet ya ~ : )

since when ??

since when i dun care that much about tv series anymore ?
since when i learned to be more brave ?
since when i bath frequently late at night?
since when i sleep darn late ?
since when morning is night and nigh is morning to me ?
since when i start to love goin to supermarkets ( jz for the sake of grabbing the cheapest veg)?
since when i start to be like an aunty spying for cheap things ?
since when i know how to bargain lagi ..?
since when i start to miss my frens more ?
since when i love my famly more ?
since when i learned the art of concealing ur true expression ?
since when i understand that is nt juz about working hard ?
since when i start to freak out myself every morning , afraid tat im late for coll ?
since when i crave for holidays ?
since when im lazy to cook ?
since when i learned de true value or friendship ?
since when i can sleep everywhere when im sleepy ?
since when i learned tat minding ur own business is far more wisely ?
since when i dun scream and start shedding tears whenever a cat comes near to me ?
since when i start earrings collections ??haha ( dis is a good one )
since when i start to eat marmite like sugar and salt ?...far more alot than when im a baby ?
since when i learned the skill of communication ?
since when i learned tat u put garlic in ur beras to prevent species ?

since when ........................SINCE I CAME TO KL ONE YEAR AGO !

hectic weekend ~

gosh.....!!! jz one week passed ???oh my !!! it seems like ages ....dis whole week is so full ..dat i feel so satisfied ..although it is buzy...but i feel happy doin it with my group ...have lotta fun : ) for this week , went to coll early in the morn , back in the evening , out again at night to seniors house continue-ing projetcts ..back again late at night ...and in between that ...i have a 2000 words essay , art gallery visiting essay , research on chan see shu yan temple ....english class , drawing class ...and CRAZY WEEK !!oh my god !! so so damn buzy ...somehow im goin to manage it ! and now finally ....i FINISHED my groups's sketchbook and storyboard ...yeepeee !!! wonderfull ! i dun have to go out late night again ..i like it when i have a very satisfied weekend with sufficient homeworks ...feel satisfied when it is complete, at least i feel that im not wasting time . to dear XXX i reli hope u can WAKE UP ! plz wake up ...dun continue dis ..feel so dissapoint to c u like dis , hope u realise it fast ... what has to be said had been said , its up to u now ~

mooody ~

haih...i'm still moody ...duno y ...and tonite ..it reli adds up to my moodiness......i heard from my classmates which is nt in my group dat i have a group meeting on...n i'm not in it ! shock !! y m i not informed .....dis few days i have been so free and complaining about being so free and have nothing to do while my other classmates r busy completing their sketchbook.....i seems to be jz couching around like a couch potato . in the middle of watching harry potter i quickly ran upstair to ask my fren who i alwez know will tell me if there is anything important or meetings need to be attend ...i feel so dissapointed that she didnt tell me anything about it .....makes me feel drop out from the group...where else i have been asking if there's anything need to be done . anyway ..only after asking her did i knw dat they dun know i was even bc from Malacca ... GREAT~ make me speechless ~ ok lar .....looks like they just dun know I'm back from Malacca ..i dunno why i'm still having dat stupid moody feel...makes me feel bad about everything ..about me ..about my surroundings ...about JUST EVERYTHING ! gosh .....reli hope i can kill tat feeling ~ anyway ..sad huh ? no one knw im bc in malacca due to my personal reason...and now no one knows i'm back ~

p/s - wats wrong wit me having those silly drop out feeling .....urghhh...hate those feel!

im off to rest !!

yeepeeeee...im goin bc to malacca ...IM GOIN BC ......yeah ...wait for me ya guys ...im coming..we go out yum char ya . anyway im goin to stop blogging until my degree starts ....IM OFF TO REST !!!!Xp bye kl, harlo malacca : )

be thankful ~flash back

jz when i thought dat westlife was de first ever original cd dat mydear papa had bought for me ..i suddenly rmb .....when i was small ,still a toddler ..those children songs from cds ..whe i was a kid ,those educational cds , those cartoons that i will cling on to it for days ....i completely forgotten dat those were from my papa too...hw much more tat he bought for me ...and i dare spread around dat tis is de first ever original cd he bought for me ..sorry papa for being such a rot ....

jz wen i told my friends dat my neclace is de first ever jewelry dat my dear mummy had present me ...memories flash back to the time when i was still a baby ...who gave me my first ever golden anklet ? who bought me my first golden earring ?when i was 15 ..who present me with a purple crystal which represent knowledge to make me more lucky in pmr ?? sorry mummy for alwayz complaning and pestering u to buy me a jewel ...sorry dat i said: u nv buy any jewelry for me before !! sorry for being such an unthankful daughter ....



i love u papa & mummy ..~sorry

one litre of tears

its almost 4 nw , n i jz finish watching the most touching japanesse drama ever , it reli touch me , every episode . it is a drama based on the the true story of a 15 year old girl who got an incurable dicease , its journey through pain , humiliating by others , finding courage to live on till the end of her life . without de freedom to walk , talk and do wat othr teenegers are doin everyday , she find courageous words and meaning to live on to help her hold on to her life , inspire and touch by her courage , i cried watching every episode , i learn something simply but meaning ful through out tis drama . THE BIGGEST HAPPINESS IS HAVING THE CHANCE TO LIVE ~ waking up everyday , opening ur eys to a brand new day is a blessing . is something tat may seems stupid to everyone , something tat no one ever cares about before , but somewhere around us , somewhere where we dun know , they are ppl who lives in agonizing pain , fight for their lives , struggle to live , jz for the sake of waking up to another day . we as a normal human , without disabilities and dicease should live to the fullest , we should live eveyday as though its our last day , do everythinf we can appreciate each other , we not only live for ourself , we also live for those who didn't manage to complete their journey in this world , we live for them . dun complain dun destory ur self with itsy bitsy things , dun destroy ur live by mistreating ur self . everyone has only one chance to live !not two not three , jz these once !

i miss my mummy ~

i miss u mummy...miss the most when im in a bad mood and when i feel like u can protect me from everything ....like u alwayz do ...reli miss u ....dis coming sunday is a special day for all mothers in the world ....a day where sons and daughters thank ..appreaciate and shower their wonderful mothers with love ....to thank tat we are in this world b coz of them ...they went through months of inconvenience ..and hours of pain that we have no cougare to undergo , to bring us into this fabulous world ....raise us up with their overloaded love ....protect us like a tigress protecting its cubs .....give us a hand when we are slowly vanishing behind ......gives advices that are nonsence to us nw but usefull years later ......i love u mummy ~ very sorry that im not around u to celebrate with u this coming mothers day ....dis will be the very first year that im not celebrating with u rite ?sorry to dissapoint u..im disspointed too.. dat i cant go bc b coz of my projects ...sorry and i love u ~

i want to go bc !

i want to go home ..i want to go home right now ..tis very minute ..i dun care if it is 3 something in the midnight....papa..can u come and fetch me home now ???? im desperate to go home ...I WANT TO GO HOME .....i miss u guys .....who treat me good all the time who treat me as their little sister ...i miss u guys ..i dun wan to be here ..this very place ...i want to be out of this place RIGHT NOW !...nv thought bf tat i would miss home this much ...i miss my friends ..i miss my secondary school days ...i miss everything in malacca and dislike everything here ..( tis is my feeling right now )oh...god ...who can bring me bc home ?????? i learned today dat home is better than anywhere else ~

headache~

ouch !!1 my head hurts damn alot !!!! its torturing ...it atrted the moment i when to de lobby with xin hui ..i started to have the urge to vomit ..den the headache arrive ....it throbs into my head nw and den ...and it hasnt gone away ...huhuhu......y m i suffering from headache ..its been a whole week .....huhuhu.....wats wrong wit me ?????m i having a disease ????arghhhhhh!!!!! shoo shoo shoooooooo......go away ~ today i learned dat ...headache is unbearable , torturing ! okie ....sleep !

no one is worth u trusting !

jz when i tot i found three soulmates which can listen and keep secrets ....one of them gave me a stab from my back ....it hurts damn deep ....i cant breathe for minutes when i first heard it ~ its heart breaking ...i alwayz respect ppl's privacy...i dun pester ppl to tell me their secrets...dey come to me ....i respect it ...i dun ask .unless dey are my super duperbest friends ...i think dat when someone wants to tell u something dey will tell if they wan ,its no use asking ...but the moment they tell i respect it ..its a secret rite ?? u arent supposed to say out ...U R SUPPOSSED TO KEEP IT !can u plz respect it too!!! i respect urs ! surprisingly ..i felt nothin when i was told about it ....my heart felt numb...guesse im damn dissapointed in u ....i believed in u ..nvm ....u r still de fried dat i respect ...jz hope that may b i can forget it tomoro ....giv me a day ...may b ..i can forget it ~ today i learned dat..... no one is worth u trusting ~

may 1

wat have i gain today ??? its a new beginning of may ....the day is sunny ...birds are whistling ...unfortunately the wind is nt blowing at all! it was damn humid and hot in room 1 bu10/1079...im in a bad mood ...i wish so much dat i was out of this house ...i want to go out !out !out !!!!...when i voice out dat i wan to go to sungei wang alone ..my housemates and roomates plus classmates was like ??? are u sure ??u can ?? reli ?? eh ..u better dun go la ! lol...tats when i knw dat ...im a road directions freak!!lol~ in the end i end up goin out with hoay phing ...cendy and krystal ~ xin hui join us in the middle . i learned dat being with friends sometimes lightened up ur mood ...being with friends sometimes makes u more energetic .p/s i also learned dat every first day of a new month...mc d 's ice cream price is as low as 50cents ~

changes dat makes me grow ~

from today onwards im goin to blog as often as possible on wat i learned everyday .....wat i went through everyday ..wat r those changes dat makes me grow ~everyone have to grow up....sometimes when we look back we suddenly feel tat we are totally diffrent compare to a few years ago.....the way we think and act...no matter is for good or bad . i want to knw wat changes me ....wat in everyday lives dat makes me into another person...to tis person im nw and future ~

friends are hard to make easy to break ~

friends are the golden thread that ties us together ~no matter hw hard it is to preserve a good old friendship .....let us work hard for it ...so that when we look back ...we not only have memories ..we have what some others dun have .....EACH OTHER ~