reasons why i dun like my model

yesterday was a wreckage , i screw up all my dun-give-up-hang-on mood freaking off and start worrying tis and dat. all the contribution goes to my lack of confindence and a pair of weird eye balls. despite of frens conforting me and giving me an approval nod for my model, it did nothing magic on me. dat inner me jz keep on telling me ur models are de ugliest among them. plain dull and nothing special. i duno why, despite of lecturer and classmates good comments, but i reli honestly still dun like my gallery model.*sigh

1st - i think deciding a pink gold white and silver colour for it makes it look more like a fairy thinghy and its so pinkish dat i think it jz looks like a poly pocket * those small carry along barbie doll house. from my eye view, my gallery looks like a toy. and dat is de last dat i wan for my shopaholic gallery.

2nd - comparing to others, my gallery space is too plain. i cant seem to think of a good graphic image to put in, and when i do i dun have an appropriate full length paper for my wall :( my wall is damn long and curvy. urghhhhh! den i might as well give up thinking of it,but then every time i look bac at my model, it jz reminds me hw plain it looks.

3rd - i did a mistake from the beginning by constrcuting the wall abit too high. although its still within the measurement given, but halfway thru my project i realise it is abit too high. which contribute to the plainess of my gallery. =(

4th - worrying too much wether my gallery wil be over literal for the lecturers ? although my concept and ideas are wat i wish and will expect of a book gallery if there were a real wan in one u , but it may seems too literal to the lecturers ..=( dat add up to my moodiness.

5th - and de major wreckage came from my favourite lecturer which is nt my favourite in dp class :( although i have full respect and admire him alot of his *bijakness , but he is one helluva lecturer. the whole worry thing was me creating thousand of questions dat he would think of to reject my model. and his rejection on xin hui's and shennese's previous models doesnt help at all.
thru out tis project process, i created thousand of questions dat he would ask , and i created thousand of answers dat i can have to prepare myself for his question, but i too created thousand of question dat he can reject my answers =(

hence, in the end i cant take it and start freaking off. this morning class calm me dwn abit b coz he actually likes my model, thinks my colour combination is good, having de femenine and luxury feel which is good for my shopaholic concept. and he like my material wise *roll eyes. god dat was de last i expected. then , he likes my form and think dat it is fun & he especially likes the gold platform which is de only thing i like in my model. =( but it still havent done any magic on the way i look at my model and looking at other more creative and nice models makes me feel so
* zi bei * on my own model. * may be after a few days of nt looking at my model, i will only den think ...hey actually its not bad. hopefully ~

i knw i dun have de right attitude in my projects but i cant do anything to improve it. *sigh, hw can i be more confident abit ?? how ?? i still have alot to learn. hopefully as time goes by i can be more confident in my projects.

p/s: thx cayenne, zoey and xin hui for all de encouragements and ideas on improving my model.
thx ~ fun having u guys to do project with =)

being emo ~

okay, dis is de third post for today ...*sigh , all three different post wif different emotions . seee ?dats how emo im . from the first post being unsure about my self-confidence , second being emo for not having de same attitude as my classmates in project-ings , till this de third post which will be about ......im feeling ok and better now ! after chatting craps and stuff with cayenne suddenly ,my mood is back. *sigh ....why m i so emo a ?? my emotions evolved like a rush of waves =.= nvm lar , im very sure tomoro would be de same. i wil start to whine den lose my confidence den im goin to complain again and then im goin to b better again =.= AND very sure dat this will go on till the project ends. * sigh ~ and i dun even knw i post dis up for wat ? its all craps but, its my blog mah so i blog wat i wan lar xP . kind of like shiok sendiri =.= coz i usually dun tell ppl i have blogs . hmmmm...dis blog is jz for a few frens and some very close ones, but *sobs ....the closest ones doesnt even have time to go online and hav no interest for blogs T T ( all those malacca frens ulu *hmph , nt active in blog de ! gona phsyco u guys when im bc )

dear secret voices, so is jz goin to be me and u lar ..eh speak to me leh ..reply me leh ...
ur name is secret voices mah, im ur owner u shud speak to me =.= ...........oklar , im sleepy d lar , nw den i realise i type de same as i talk when im sleeepy ....all rojak and craps ~

烂透了

钻牛角尖 ～。。。为啥么我总是那么的爱让自己痛苦呢？ 为何不学人家轻轻松松的面对所有的困难呢？烂透了！人家都在学着，我为什么就不为自己加把劲呢？烂透了!

supercalifragilisticespialidocius

am i forcing myself too hard ?

what shud i do ?

hmmmm....what shud i do in the 5 months long holiday ? ITS 5 MONTHS !!! omg ! ...damn long , nv ever in my life i had a holiday dis long. relieve though. after two yrs of sweat and blood on the field of wars, its time for me the hero, the saviour to return to my country , to my hometown, to my parents and frens. with a severe injury emotionally and mentally and a body half rotten, therefore, i will surely recuperate during this 5 months holiday. after a long haul of whining and complaining and those brilliant plans to freak off and hide under a bush instead of fighting the war, would i ever have de slightest emotion for it and actually misss those moments ? would i ? it would be pathetic then. my hand .....those once delicate hands, which is now half damage with thousands of skin cells killed after two yrs of handling with weapons , will my hands actually ache to touch those weapons again ? it would be even more pathetic then. And in the end , will i actually miss the entire war period? awwwww ...if ever dat happens ..it will make me the most pathetic person on earth !


but ....i duncare lar ....im goin to have as much fun as can in this 5 months ...cherish and aprreciate every moment with my family and frens. woooooohooooo....I CANT WAIT !!!! ..
OK ! enuf of procrastinating ....off to project-ing now ~

lemons~

once upon a time , there are ten lemons in th earth , hanging up high on the sky . no , these are nt the common lemons but rather, lemons dat splash fire drops upon us ! dey have to ability to splash thru ur deepest skin cells killing cells dat stand in its way ! as if its nt enuff , these lemons can even set an atap house on fire !!! burning every living cells and creatures by first making them sweat in torture , and then melt away in burning hotness ~ these so called " lemons" is what we calles "sun" today. It was lemon(S) back then ,but it is sun now. why ???? coz some chinese hero - hou yi, have the guts to shoot 9of those lemons down but didnt have de guts to complete the task !!! damn ! aduiiii !!! ....from de legend , he didnt shoot the last lemon down b'coz he thinks dat this last lemon might be a great use to humans on earth . to me he jz freak off ! ....damn !!!!

aRGHHHHHHHHH !!!! hw am i goin to do my homework , my whole body and mind system doesnt perform dat well under de blazing hot sun lar ! ..i jz feel like sleeping lar !!! but then , nw i cant even sleep ! coz i would wake up perspiring every 10 minute jz to find myself drain in a pool of sweat . aRggggggghhhh !!!!! why de heck doesnt dat hou yi shoot de last sun down ???? WHY ?? with all de technologies we have nowadays, our genius scientists can surely create an artificial sunlight !!! dat wouldn't even do any harm to us , and we can all live in harmony in the soothing environment . aRGHHHHHH !!!

faster rain lar !!!!! RAIN !!!

p/s : someone says dat sun is significant to a blossoming flower, it would blossom amazingly in a few hours but ..dats it . it would never last long. * to me dat few hours is sinful *

a blessing from all god from all religions = )

OMG!!! i jz cant believe it !! ... i was preparing for another NO , and redo . BUT ...but ..mr razif actually said ...ya its so much better than yesterday's i like it , ACCEPTED !! ..omg ......huhuh T T tears of happinesss . im at last proceeding to FINAL DEVELOPMENT !! = ))))))

so , here i m dedicating this post to all gods from all religions. thank you so so much ! i made a wish to all of the gods to bless me in dis project , to take care of me during the process of this whole project and make dis project run smoothly for me ! * of course for mr razif to nod his head too ! * AND and and ....it happened , one of my wish was granted just now ! ..MR RAZIF ACCEPTED MY MODEL ! ...thank you gods - gods . thank you so much . amitabha ,amen, allah ( ) * sorry i duno wat is it for de indians's god. of course there are many other religion and god dat i havent thank , i jz manage to google tis four . promised i will do a full research once this project ends and dedicate a post again to all og u gods . THANK YOU AGAIN ~

p/s : to gods from all religion , im reli grateful and thankful , may u continue to look after me and make this project runs smoothly for me ya ~ ...thx ~= )

pp/s : amen , amitabha , allah * thank you hindu god *

im tired ......

only god knws hw tired im .....im tired physically n mentally. my eye lids are half close by now , and my heart beats are not in tune . its OUT OF TUNE ! *sigh ~ the development model dat i struggle to complete yesterday was REJECTED for the reason of " its juzt too control " ya , dats de actual words dat came our of mr razif' mouth . GOD ! he is one helluva lecturer ! his brain is just too creative to be explain in words, he is jz ..so damn cool yet it frustrated me alot ! .....i reli admire him ALOT ! . but he is too wild for me ....*sobss.....i cant handle it !!

therefore, im here recuperating. im damn sleepy , therefore , im gona sleep and den wake up for sketchup class AND DEN , i will continue to fight for the rights of my models ! i will continue to fight till de end !! i will continue the war dat mr razif created in my brain and win it ! i swear i will !!! .....its jz another three weeks , im gona make it !!! go go go ! ZZZzzzzzz.....* sleeping mode .

p/S: to all gods from all religions, remember the wishes i made yesterday yar ~ ..thx ~

procrastinate~

here im again PROCRASTINATING ~......who invent such word huh ? mmm...everyone jz lovveee to procrastinate . im a huge fan of it ! HUGE ! i shud nt be here wandering around ...my butt shud be on the chair outside !! .why m i here ? WHY AM I HERE ?? -------procrastinating.

im sick of model makings ~

ok , im gona puke !! ..the dull lifeless smell of masking tape, cardboard, boxboard, uhu , model card, model board , pieces of papers, scissors, ruler & pencils jz makes me wana PUKE !! .urghh ....!!! its disgusting ! i cant get rid of de smell, it has been lingering around me dis few days, and will continue to do so ! dey follow me into my my dreams !!oh ....dis is just so so damn shitty ! .....urrgh ! ...i still have to deal with it for three weeks ..!!! aaarg!!! ...i hate model makings ...hate it ! hate it ! sometimes , i jz have the tendencies of puking on top of all those damn expensive materials !

god, plz spare me from more obstacles in this project , plz make dis project run smoothly , plz make my laptop work fabulous for this whole project , plz plz plzzzzz ..make my life easier ..can ?? ok or nt ?? plz make mr razif nod his head as soon as possible ~

i pray to all gods from all religions , im adeline tan i -ying in malaysia, currently in kbu international college taking up iad courses , and life has been tough for me while doin projects, may the mighty gods take care of me during this project . thxx a million , trillion, drillion ~ in return i promise i will donate more money to those in need , and i will try my very best in helping those who need my help. i will nt be selfish of my generousity ~

my deepest thank you again ~

im saving saving saving !!! i knw i knw i knw !

dear parents ,

sorry dat i insist on having dat amount of money left in de bank for me. im sorry ...but plz dun think dat im using dat amount of money spending on accessories , shoes clothes , cosmestics ...or my favourite things ...or as u and papa would say " a pile of useless rubbish " its nt like u all dun understand me ...do i look like some empty minded girl who will simply spend as much as i like ?? as i want to ?? well dat would be wat i reli wan to do if im rich , but i knw i cant now coz i kwn de limit and i dun have the investment in doin it ! and i knw u all send me here to study nt to spend money on stupid things . but aaargghhh ! for god sake .....do u knw how hard is it surviving in kl ?? having a bunch of frens who frequently visit some expensive restaurant .....who frequently make a visit to cinema ....who sometimes organize trips .....taking up de most expensive course in de college ....having to buy thousand of materials for projects ( mind u its nt cheap) .....AND .....i knw we r not super rich , but we r nt poor too, i knw u all jz dunwan to let me simply spend on useless things ..i knw u all mummy would love to use dat money to buy accessories for the house including my room ..I KNW I KNW I KNW !! .....

but its hard ..its reli reli reli hard for me ..do u guys even realise dat ?? i try so so hard nt to spend on extra useless things ...i try super hard nt to go to expensive restaurant and eat food dat is out of my budget ...i even tried nt eating when they went to an expensive restaurant once. i choose nt to eat expensive food and go buy some karipap to eat, and do u knw hw hard is dat ?? i was damn hungry and would reli love to try on dat restaurant's food ..but I DIDNT coz i knw i dun have de money to do it ! i rather save money to buy materials. i try to suggest some cheaper place to eat ..but u knw i reli cant do much ...no one listen to me whenever i suggest some cheaper place ...and nt veryone hav to follow me eat cheap food rite ?? dey have their own life, and we follow majority , with me alone how can i change all of their minds, although i reli hope dat i can stay at home cook and eat ..BUT ...but ...do u knw im scare dat after a few more times i would b left out !

dey love goin to cinema ..to my dismay . to be honest i would reli reli love to go visit de cinema whenever dey suggest goin. as often as possible i dun mind ...BUT I DIDNT !! b coz i knw i cant do dat coz im saving for materials and food ..i dun have exra money to do dat ...and i tried several times nt to follow them ..reli i swear ! ..i didnt follow them a couple of times ..and de result is ....they say i dun like social life ..i dun follow them, dey say y m i so un- social ...and dey even say someday may b i will choose a guy who love to stay at home nt goin anywhere. do u knw how hurt and angry i m listening to such comments ?? do u think i like it alot nt to follow ...?? jz b coz i dun have de money to do all those activities ! im scare dat i would b left out after several times nt following them to movies or dinner or shoppings . so i choose to follow them with a heavy heart , trying to spend as little as possible. i can go shoppings with them without buying anything. in fact ..dats what i alwez do , go empty handed come bc also empty handed. do u all hw much i desire to buy those beautiful dresses and accessories ?? BUT I DIDNT BUY IT ! COZ I KNW I KNW I KNW !

its reli hard. whenever its de time to buy materials i would save and save and i reli dun mind saving but ....sometimes with a bunch of frens u reli cant save too much, like i say i reli think im goin to be left out if i join them less. and papa , mummy ...sometimes ..sometimes i need to buy things for my own also rite ?? how can a girl nt buy anything for herself ?? garrrghhhh....i long to have them buy didnt jz b coz i knw i cant and dat would make my money less ..i did it b coz of u all and here u guys thinks dat im some stupid selfish daughter dunwan to give all de ptptn money to u guys, trying to sabotage the money. i tried so hard here spending less ....i hate nt having enuf money for all de materials and activities ...but i dunwan ending up oweing people money ...i dunwan end up oweing hundreds....so i spend reli less. can u guys understand it ???? plz ????? and college life is damn bloody expensive ok ...today u have a hundred.... BOOM ....end of the week everything vanish !

THE FOOD IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
MY MATERIAL IS BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
ACTIVITIES ARE BLOODY EXPENSIVE !
LIFE IN KL ARE BLOOOOOOOODDDY EXPENSIVE !

so papa and mummy plz do understand me ~

love
daughter adeline ~