drowning.

a quick short post of my feeling at this moment. in fact, for this few weeks. i can barely breath peacefully. to do something that u like and once passionate about is pure pleasure, but everything has its limits kan? try doing it from day to night non-stop with ur ass sticking on the chair, u eventually hate it. not clear enough ? imagine u loveee kfc, try eating it for the whole damn day and u'll understand my situation. DROWNING is the exact word to describe my frustration. HELP ! WHEN IS IT GOIN TO END. IM GONNA PUKE LAR.

mummy, i dunwan to eat kfc lar. in fact, i've never been a hardcore fan of kfc. =(

im not hardworking.

im not at all qualified to be categorized as a hardworking girl . once, i use to be a lazy bum, everything that comes into my mind is everything but homework. i dont live life solely by completing homeworks. completing homework has never been the main concern. now, its barely anything like that anymore. its the opposite of everything. i now officially live life solely by completing projects/assignments in time. i live life by trying to outstand everyone which is so not me, which is something unreachable. im trying to accomplish something that isnt measured for me. everyday i brain feed myself into doing hmw. i force myself to complete my assignments. i miss being me, i miss my old-self. its bloody torturing. its really bloody torturing. im starting to go out of control again. its coming back again. im so sick of it, when will all this end ?

*counting on how much more emo post im goin to blog, we'll c hw far it gets.

loss the ability to be patient.

i get pissed of quite easily when im tired and stress. i tend to eat up people with my stares and words. my dear housie zoey just told me that im quite emo and sensitive this few days. true enough. i realise that long before anyone realise it. i've never ever experience before the stressful chaotic days like i had this two years, never before in my pass 18 years. im so frustrated even after everything is over. im frustrated that my head is half bald now, im frustrated that my health is deteriorating, im frustrated that im sleepy and tired all the time,im frustrated that i still have loads of drawings to complete. im frustrated about almost anything. everything in my sight is a fuss now. hence, when people slightly mention or say something dat provokes me, i tend to eat them up with my stares and words, eventho its jz a simply simple statement. i get so sensitive that i think everyone around me is so irritating. =( so sorry guys if i ever hurt u with words or anything .... bear in mind its not done in purpose. usually i dun bother if u pissed me off or tease me, but when im tired i loss the ability to be patient. so please dun tease me or pick a fight with me i have no energy left for that, its either i fight or flight. im sorry too to some of my old besties, i barely reply and layan with sincere in msn, im jz too tired for teasing right now. im alwayz a good target for teasing and silly jokes, but next time okay guys. sorry. let me boost myself up first =)

*everyone is so mentally and phsycally tired recently, we really do need a release trip =)

-off to nap -

random writings

its only 6:33 but the skies are shockingly dark . is it me or you ? i thought im the only one who mixed up days with nights, nights with days. seems to me you are having a complicated period too . *sigh. last few stressful chaotic days drain out my soul. im neither happy nor sad. those tiny tingling sense of anxiousness cant seem to go away, its still lingering somewhere at the corner. sister's keepers drain my soul even deeper, but i like it. the book is more intresting though. "All work and no play makes jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes jack a mere toy. " true enough, but where is the balance between then ? right now im just trying to keep my finger on the pulse.

the pro and cons.

im not goin to ramble about how stress im or how suffer im this few weeks as i've said enuf. ms elepahant says our blog is so boring now becoz its all about how stress we are in projects. Im jz listing out the pro's and con's of last few stressful chaotic weeks on final model making.

The con's
1. i vomited few times becoz of overly stress. * crystal clear water came out from the puke as i've consume nothing for days and days.
2. lost my appetite and ate nothing but biscuits and water.
3. major serious hair loss. my hair is all flat and dull now. half bald.
4. breakdown and cried alot.
5. stress level reach the max.
6. red small eyes for not sleeping enuf this two weeks. i almost didnt sleep.
7. dark eye circle begin to appear. my skin tone is dark enuf to cover it, so imagine when my dark circle is darker than my skin tone.
8.pale and souless.
9.my backbone hurts . sat too long on the chair , hours of model making turn me into an old lady.
10.seriously thought of giving up changing course and all.
11. make my parents and cousin in malacca worried about me.
12. seriously consider consulting a doc to help control my stress and ways to cope with my stress.
13. i cant differentiate the days now. everyday seems the same to me.

The Pro's
1. if the weighing machine next door is accurate, i lost 7 kg s in one week. *wow. great.
2. broke the record in completing my final in two days. two bloody hell days. a whole new unbelievable breakthru.

so thats the pro's and con's of last two weeks. im speechless tired phsycally and mentally. i cant take in anymore pressure at the time being. im very fragile now, so stay far away from me if u r looking for a fight or to tease me. im now a in a tired souless condition. i shall end this post with this : i've been thru hell all over again. lucky i found my way back.

p/s : really want to thanks ms elephant for phoning me now and then rambling and complaining the stress and workload. as u complain i've somehow found a way out for my stress and feelings, u speak for all the stress im enduring. u make me miss my best friend so much. thx again ms elephant =) muaksss . i shall buy you an elephant next time i see one ok =).


off to bed now. please dun make me die the next day ok. i still want to live.

stress to the max !

im gonna burst out crying soon ! im so stress =( im so damn stress now =( i wana cry out loud again, i cant take it easy =( how ??? final model is due next week =( how ? how ? how ? final coloured model is due NEXT MONDAY . HOW ? T____________T how ? how ? im so stress and moody now =(((( how ? how ? i havent done my portfolio, its a big possibility i will only finish my portfolio on either wednessday or thursday =( i can only start my model on thursday . and i have only two days to finish my final model which will be thursday and friday, the worst on saturday. NO, i cant finish on saturday, i need at least two days for all the drawings T.T b'coz im pathetically slow in drawings. ms huwi huwi want all of the drawing ready on monday. 2 fully coloured with photoshop plans. fully develop sections with ceiling and lightings, 2 axono , 1elevation, most important perspectives with renderings . PERSPECTIVE ..... how ? im bad at perspective, ms huwi huwi is so strict she only want very very good ones =((( HOW ???? ALL IN 3/4 Days , HOW ?? T_____________T im so stresss ! mummy i dont want to study d ! papa, im so stress how T__T HOW ? this is the worst birthday ever ! i dont want anything for my birthday! i really dont want anything d, i just want everything to be done by next monday. i just want everything to be done .......=((( the best gift would be a release stress pill . please, i need it now =( T_____________T i really need it now. can i buy it in any pharmacies ? i cant phone my mum coz she would be stress out too ! i cant i cant i cant call her. T__________T please i beg to finish everything in that very minimum period. please. please. =(

MAKE ME STAY AWAKE PLEASE~

AHHHH~ i wan to sleep lar. damn sleepy lar. i always feel sleepy and tired sitting at the table while doin my homework outside. GOD , help me lar,LORD mighthy, please help me lar, make me semangat abit boleh tak? I BEGGGGGG YOU. I need to finish my development models by today! so that i can go to pink bazzar with peace tomoro morning, so that when my parents come i can be in peace, i dont want my parents seeing me in a mess and stress to the max rushing for the due date. so LORD JESUS, KUAN YIN MAH, ALLAH, LORD KRISHNA, LORD LAKSHMI...ETC. PLEASE MAKE ME STAY AWAKE. GIVE ME MORE MOREEE MOREEE ENERGY .

i shall end this post with a sleepy pic.

meitu xiuxiu.

muahaha ~ everyone knows im not a big shopaholic, i dont spend my money buying lotsa desired stuff. yes, i may desire something for months but i wont buy it even though its on sale or wat, (coz usually on sale also damn expensive, branded mah =D) i would only look at it, touch it and leave ! =( so sad rite, such is the life of a student, somemore art student! everybit of my money is wasted in models cards and uhu , damnit. =(

BUT ! recently i release my own-self , i release the shopaholic in me ! muahhaaa i bought lots lots lots of HATSSSSSS. =DDDDD

we'll let the pictures do the talking =D

winter knitted beret

colourfull beanie of spring

xmas hat for this coming xmas celabration.

street cap

grandmother's knitted beanie

pure white beret

choco brown knit cap

flower knit cap

lalala ~nice or not my bargains ??? muahhahaaa ....im also in shock, i've never ever tried on those hats before and i dont even wear caps or hats wan !

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OKLAR, i edit those pics lar ! i didnt buy those hats lar. i so stingy and poor ,wont buy wan lar.muahaha, im currently overly excited about the new software i've downloaded, still havent get over it yet =D yiiiiiiiiiii! the software damn cute lor, still got nail art , contact lenses, specs, accesories....etc. its actually a simpler version of photoshop much much chio-er den photshop too !

btw, since cayenne my roomie wish to see me in heavy make-up which is quite rare ......hence the pic below is dedicated to u CAYENNE LIM . NAH.....!

i look super hideous lar ok. edited with my newly discovered software too. I add in eyelashes, eyeshadow make-up, and some blusher. AND i hapus all my pimples ! =( reli hate my pimply face. its reli much more easier to hapus the pimples using this software then in photoshop. cayenne i look like one of the prostitutes in the movie "taken" lar.

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and since my dear zoe always complain about my chubby fat round face , i shall dedicate this pic to her . NAH .....!

so zoe? u still wan my face to be thin or not ? damn ugly lar ok, my nose all distorted and i look like some weird retard bimbo. my lips almost like hoay phing's. LOL.

kindly visit http://xiuxiu.meitu.com/ if you are interested =D ciao. i shall end this post with another pic that i randomly edit.

random post.

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” and “Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.”

-steve job -

how to kill a cockroach ~

lets all clasp our hands together and pray for the beloved cokroach that i have murdered 5 months ago.
tadahhhh! =D gosh, i feel so happy i actually committed such crime. everyone close to me would surely knw that i have cats phobia, i fear cats to the utmost. ok, may be even strangers knws i have this phobia, coz i jump and scream at every encounter with cats. BUT ! im totally cool with insects and tiny reptiles =D. all this long i have been the famous murderer for cockroaches , teeehee =D

1st, to be a skillful coackroach murderer, u have to have good vision to aim and act quickly.

the all time favourite weapon is plastic bags tissues and any solid object . ya, just these three ! no nid for the guns and parangs. 2nd, use the plactic bag as ur glove, we wont want any finger prints left behind rite? HOLD UR BREATHE, aim and stare quietly at ur victim, DO NOT BLINK UR EYES, ur victim may run away in that few seconds u blink! bear in mind that we want effectiveness, DEAD at the first attempt, we dont wan to waste time on just one ! muahahaa~

If your victime is dumb enuf to stay still and not run away at the sight of you, quickly with all ur strenght trap the stupid victim with ur plastic glove u had just now, and then with all the bravery u have SQUASH IT ! till u hear the cringing voice of its broken limbs.

last but not least, you would want to double check to make sure its dead so that u can print out the death certificate, u open ur plastic bag, use the tissues we prepared and SQUASH IT one more time, till u hear the satisfying sound of blood spurting out !

TADAAAH ! ITS DEAD~ u may proceed to fling your victim out of the window, or if u are so kind enuf to bury your own victim , do it then. another alternatives, u may take nude photos of ur obsessions just like what i did and keep it under your pillow, look at it every night before u doze off =D

LALALA ~ gosh i sound like a pervert atrocious murderer.

if this post doesnt help u , im available 24 hours for the service:

contact me at :017-1234567 =D

decisions making.......ARGH~

ARGH~ im in intense stresss, one of those decisions-that-affect-your-day- moment. shud i go or not ? shud i go ? no? yes? no? yes? shud i? shud not? shud i? shud not? *pengsan.

if i go what shud i get for them ?


an apple bouquet?

or a creative veggie bouquet?

or i shud just go with plain ballons?

wait, i haven even figure out go or not to go yet ? YES ? NO ? YES ? NO ?

KUAN YIN MAH, HELP ME MAKE DECISIONS LEH. today is ur birthday, i ate vegetarian for half a day. im good rite. so shud i go ? no ? yes? .....*pengsan.

a pang of conscience

So are you still BUSY? I'm sure there's a moment in time that we are not. If you could have time to chat online with a random stranger, you could have picked up the phone and call your dear friend. If you could have the time to play game at home, you could have spend the evening for a football game (example) with your friends or even coffee...If your friends could spend time for you, why can't you? People are too keen to make new and more friends, but they just freaking don't know how to retain those friends they make...It's not the volume, it's the quality. If you have 1,000 you-think-it's-your-friends-but-they-are-not-coz-you-never-bothered-to-get-to-know-them-closer, who would be there for you when you need help?

-Ms Elise-

shameful to admit it, but i've probably made one of the silliest mistake all of us will make once in a while. just because u are a guy, i took you for granted. I actually did one of those things that only hypocrites would do. u would sms me 10 times, but i might only reply 3 times. u ask me out but never for once did i make my promises. u took the initiative to keep in touch with me while i thought that u were quite annoying. u remembered my birthday while i only remembered once. u gave me present when all the time i had forgotten its ur birthday. never for once did i feel shameful till our last conversation just now which i reckon would be our last if i never undo the wrongs that i have made.

Im sorry. if in future u never would even wanto look at me or may b u recognize me but u are just freaking tired of my attitude, i would never blame you.because its all my fault. i still do treasure you but i guesse i took you for granted and broke our relationship. sorry.

thanks to me, i've successfully pissed off one of my long time friend.

weird dream.

wow, i just had the weirdest dream i have in months. havent being dreaming for a long time d actually. got to jot down before i forget again.

so this is how the dream goes: out of sudden i duno why im together with my mum and miss mong *my mum's good friend. den out of sudden i met n'ji and the rest of house of nine, out of the blue, we all agree to go for a trip to some island * i forgot which island is it, its island lar . now that is weird! my mum and house of nine ?? nvm. the weirdest has yet to come. i rmb i sms cayenne to tell her im now on board in the plane flying of to a island to have my weekend . *damn rich weh, spend every weekend in island !. ok, isnt it a rule for a passengers to turn off their phone while on board, heck no! mine is on ! lol. *shit! i forgot why i turn on the phone , urgh! nvm, ok i duno why suddenly the plane landed on my house *@@* i think its for me to rest or wat before flying further. Then out of nowhere, my other group of besties appear infront of me, they claim to have been on the same plane as me with the same destination ! gosh. ok nvm, the best part is here, i caught my soulmate *hui ying pacing on some old street opposite my house, so i went to question her why isnt she joining us ? why is she looking like a a retard pacing up and down on some dirty old streets....lo and behold, she said she's afraid of joining us because of a guy name mark ! @@ ! now when did mark appear in this big picture ? and she claim that her" mark" is the "mark" that i knw ! * GOSH ! its hoay phings boyfriend ! she then told me the full story of how mark broke up with hoay phing and how she got to knw him and blah blah blah ....HAHAHA FUNNY MAN . actually i forgot what is so funny, but i knw its funny. sigh* why i always canot rmb the full story wan .

weird or not ? hmmm, doesnt sound so, duno lar, at that time when i woke up its super funny and weird lor, i even sms my soulmate to tell her. laughs* i think still have wan , but while trying and concentrating to rmb i somehow forgot about the rest ...haha. c if i rmb tonight. i wan to knw the ending =DD

its their convocation !

Ahhh~ its my besties convocation ~ ouwwww congratz to both of u for officially ending ur childhood days and stepping out to the world of superficiality. i wan so baddd to go to u guys convocations...but but...sigh* we'll c, if im there then im there, if im nt then im not, for some reasons ok. but for now lets just say that IM GOING =DD

PLEASSSSEEE PRETTTY PLEAASEE dear all pimples , please back off for a moment from my face boleh tak? i wan to look good for my besties convo. T_____T please lar, boleh lar, i'll feed u with doxycyline. deal ? u may burst as much as u like after that convo ok. *ok, no, dun burst out afterdat too*

congrats again to two of my besties =DD am proud of u both. =D

=(

felt so terrible today .T___________T

I duno why, but i realise this year im more tense-up and in stress. i guesse previous year taught me alot on time management and hardworking-ness. hence, this year, im alwayz reminding myself to complete my assignments and projects fast and effectively focusing on quality and quantity. i've told myself repeatly even before year2 starts. which is why this year i expect more out of myself . I get so tense -up easily if i nv meet one of those criterias that i've set for myself, once im tense-up i feel like crying and bawling. I duno, call me a cry baby or wat, but it reli makes me feel better only after i cried, may be thats my nature. =(

from the 1sat day of yr 2 i'm all set getting my amor suit prepared, all tense-up ready to conquer my first assignment. i knw i sucks at computer & software skills, but am not ready to give up yet, i knw i can master the skills if i work hard. i pressure myself to nt be a blur dumbo in the class, i listen with three ears, i dun mind being an annoying student repeatly asking questions till i get it, i felt like an annoying dumbo who everyone hates becoz im so dumb, but i dun care because at the end of the day, i understand and that is important because im nt goin to let myself get stuck with softwares like last year. i make myself practise autoCAD at least once a week , if i dont i get tense-up bcoz i think i might be lacking behind. so far, im quite satisfied with my progress, the only subject that im still cool with it .

Coming to project class ! i really do have a phobia now of project classes and tutorials. its so omfg tense lor ! everyone is so competitive in the class, even our tutor says so. Its only research mah ! Today was my first ever mental breakdown in yr2. ok so may b its not such a big deal to other students but it is to me.T_______T because i didnt complete my hmw and that is a sin to me.
=( felt so ashame of myself now. i know i can just blame rujia for it, but its really my own fault for not being independent enuff. so rujia, no worries i dont blame u =) . i didnt do concept models !!!! =(((( ok, so ms huwi huwi say its actually due on next mon, but everyone also do d !! =(( was freeze to the max in class, buterflies in my stomach cant even bring myself to speak moreover present. i almost burst out crying JUST BECAUSE OF THE F&%^$#$% MODELS. T__________T i felt like running out of class, i cant bear myself knowing others have completed their work but im nt up to par with them. LUCKILY, ms huwi huwi says its ok to show on wednessday. But i still feel bad & dissapointed on myself =( T____________T

i knw im nt as good and perfect like my friends, so i just have to workharder . people say "if u'r dumb, then work like a cow to cover up ur dumb-ness " well said. =)

*This is a whining post, dun expect it to be filled with a happy cheerful tone. skip if you cant accept. Its my blog. =)