=(

felt so terrible today .T___________T

I duno why, but i realise this year im more tense-up and in stress. i guesse previous year taught me alot on time management and hardworking-ness. hence, this year, im alwayz reminding myself to complete my assignments and projects fast and effectively focusing on quality and quantity. i've told myself repeatly even before year2 starts. which is why this year i expect more out of myself . I get so tense -up easily if i nv meet one of those criterias that i've set for myself, once im tense-up i feel like crying and bawling. I duno, call me a cry baby or wat, but it reli makes me feel better only after i cried, may be thats my nature. =(

from the 1sat day of yr 2 i'm all set getting my amor suit prepared, all tense-up ready to conquer my first assignment. i knw i sucks at computer & software skills, but am not ready to give up yet, i knw i can master the skills if i work hard. i pressure myself to nt be a blur dumbo in the class, i listen with three ears, i dun mind being an annoying student repeatly asking questions till i get it, i felt like an annoying dumbo who everyone hates becoz im so dumb, but i dun care because at the end of the day, i understand and that is important because im nt goin to let myself get stuck with softwares like last year. i make myself practise autoCAD at least once a week , if i dont i get tense-up bcoz i think i might be lacking behind. so far, im quite satisfied with my progress, the only subject that im still cool with it .

Coming to project class ! i really do have a phobia now of project classes and tutorials. its so omfg tense lor ! everyone is so competitive in the class, even our tutor says so. Its only research mah ! Today was my first ever mental breakdown in yr2. ok so may b its not such a big deal to other students but it is to me.T_______T because i didnt complete my hmw and that is a sin to me.
=( felt so ashame of myself now. i know i can just blame rujia for it, but its really my own fault for not being independent enuff. so rujia, no worries i dont blame u =) . i didnt do concept models !!!! =(((( ok, so ms huwi huwi say its actually due on next mon, but everyone also do d !! =(( was freeze to the max in class, buterflies in my stomach cant even bring myself to speak moreover present. i almost burst out crying JUST BECAUSE OF THE F&%^$#$% MODELS. T__________T i felt like running out of class, i cant bear myself knowing others have completed their work but im nt up to par with them. LUCKILY, ms huwi huwi says its ok to show on wednessday. But i still feel bad & dissapointed on myself =( T____________T

i knw im nt as good and perfect like my friends, so i just have to workharder . people say "if u'r dumb, then work like a cow to cover up ur dumb-ness " well said. =)

*This is a whining post, dun expect it to be filled with a happy cheerful tone. skip if you cant accept. Its my blog. =)